So, today’s agenda: work on my portfolio website. Something different from normal…change it into something that I can be proud of and want to show around.

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

It’s taken me a few days to figure out how to answer this question. More likely, not “how to” answer it, but examine what it means and what does repel me or what I dislike about what I see about submission in myself and others…What kind of slave do I want to be? Not a mindless automat without a brain and a mind of her own.

I see some girls in SL have a mindless demeanor and act as if they have no will or mind of their own. While it may be fine in the Gor setting, it is very annoying as a BDSM slave to be compared to a Gorean Kajira and told I am less than the other girls who are Kajira and looked down on by hearing the words, “You are a Princess Kajira without a slaves heart.” For some reason people in SL can’t separate the two types of slaves…..the role play slave and the BDSM/Gor RL slave. It annoys me to see a mindless automat sit back and take abuse from the one she is supposed to be able to trust with her life. What I think annoys me about this is, that even though it is SL, the life of a slave is a hard one…you have to trust your Master beyond anything or anyone you have ever trusted before. Even in SL this is important. It drives me to distraction when I witness a friend go through an abusive situation (non consensual to be specific) and think they are less than what they are. They are their Master’s treasure but some of them treat their slaves like so much dirt under their feet. This is what annoys me the most about submission….the people who play with it, don’t take it as a serious commitment and are just wannabes as a result.

There was a time when I was very curious about BDSM and my own urges. When I was so curious that I went to as many BDSM places in SL that I could find when I first joined the game. And where I found myself in some very tight and hard places to be in. There was a time when I only thought of it as a game too. Where I thought that the submission was just a roleplay and didn’t understand that it was real. I had to be hurt….and hurt bad….before I realized it wasn’t a game. For a time there, I even tried to walk away from my submission. I tried to deny to myself that I was a slave or a submissive and that I needed to be guided back. When I went back to exploring it in myself, I got in a bad relationship which ended very badly. After I left that relationship, I went to Master, who at that time was just a friend, and asked for help and protection as a lost slave. We have been together since. We’re working on our second year together.

It’s taken me a long time to learn to trust again. Some days, I trust blindly, other days I have to stop myself and remind myself that I can trust Master no matter what. Master says this is because I have been hurt so badly in my past that I have to be “handled” a certain way. It took me a year to send Him a nude of myself. It took me a little longer to sing to Him and that had to be in a task. It is a sign of how far I came that I did the song. I didn’t want to do the song, but I did it because Master said “do it.” I listened to and learned the song because He wanted me to do so. That is a sign of how far I’ve come. A few years ago, I would have blown it all off.

Each day is a new day. Each day I learn something new and I come a little further, but there are times when I feel myself sliding backwards and balking at things and duties assigned. Some days I am into everything…other days, I’m good and don’t have much going on. Today, I’m grounded again because I broke my collar. I didn’t just “break” it, I REALLY broke it. I broke it so bad that I got a flood of messages saying I broke it! These days are frustrating to me because I try so hard to be good, then something always goes wrong. But even though I am frustrated with myself for breaking my collar again, I never questioned my submission…every time I get in trouble or Master shows me His dominance, I haven’t ever questioned myself as His girl.

~girl

Here, my friends, listen to it and join my club! hahaha

~girl

Is Submission a Gift?

Submission is often described as the most precious gift a submissive can offer a Dominant. Others don’t believe that submission is a gift at all. What is your opinion about this? Once you have an opinion, then consider the other opinion and talk about how they could or could not be right as well. How would you describe your submission to your Dominant?

When I first read this question, my first reaction was “submission is a gift,” but I’ve had time to think about this since I became Master’s girl last year. A little background before I continue. We met in a virtual world. We were friends prior to my being His girl. When I was thrown from a bad relationship last year, I went to my Master for protection and it continued from there. We moved it from the virtual world to the real world earlier this year.

To answer this question in a nutshell, submission is not just a gift, it’s also something that is taken from you. You’re bent to His or Her will…either by force or willingly…either way, it’s not just a “gift of submission.” Some can say it’s only one or the other…gift or force, but I say it’s both.

My submission to Master is a gift yes…it’s my giving Him my trust and my love willingly, but He also “took” my submission to Him. He’s worked to mold me into what He sees me as being…what He knows I can be. He’s encouraged me to work on my favorite hobbies and to work to enhance my skills. When I’m given an order, it’s done in such a way that most of the time I think it’s my own idea. My Master can be very crafty when He chooses to be, but when it comes down to the wire, his “suggestions” are outright orders and dominance. This is what I need and He knows it. He knows me better than I know myself and He uses that knowledge to dominate me into submission. And sometimes I need to be reminded of my submission and place. *grins*

The so-called “gift” goes both ways….He gives me the gift of His dominance over me. He provides me with what I need to feel loved and protected while still encouraging me to have my own life and opinion. To hold my own interests. He gives me a part of Himself as I give Him all of me. That in my opinion is the true gift that people miss the most. It’s not just a one-sided relationship. While we live in a hard life, we chose to do so, but we also were pulled into our submission to be their pet, baby girl/boy, slaves or submissives.

I am His slave. I am His pet. I am His baby girl. I am His sassy one. I am His girl.

He is my Master. He dominates me in just the right way. He gives me what I need to feel loved. He is my lover. He is my best friend. He is my Master.

This question is a complicated one because for some people who read this, it will only be a “gift” for others it will only be “force,” but for me it is both. I freely gifted myself to Him, but He also “forced” my submission to Him.

~girl

4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

Before this question, I hadn’t given it much thought. I’ve always identified as submissive, but there are times when I could be seen as dominant…usually when it’s pulled out of me or I have no choice. I don’t think this makes me a “switch” or a “dominant.” Or at the very least I don’t identify that way. I have a temper. It takes a lot for my temper to go off but when it’s set off watch out. I think that is when I seem to go “forceful.” When things are out of control and I can’t take it anymore. I do remind those who have made it an insult to call me a “switch” with derision, that being a submissive doesn’t mean doormat and usually it’s only Master who can control that part of me. It seems that people forget this when dealing with Submissives.

We submit to our Dominant because they are our dominants….they are ours, just as much as we are theirs. I am His….His girl…His slut….His lover….His right hand. He can do what He wants to me and I would happily let Him because I am His….no one else owns me or uses me. People tend to forget that, especially in Second Life. There are people who see “submissive slave” in my profile and think, “1860s slave.” Then they are surprised when I won’t kneel before them….Or when I won’t service them. Or when I won’t call them Master. I’m not their slave, but they try to treat me like I am by adding more and more to my plate then sometimes turning cruel and mean when I don’t answer to them. I have learned that you can remain respectful while telling someone to “kiss off”…in a respectful way of course.

So, no, to answer the question, I’ve never thought about myself as being a switch or a dominant, but I have been encouraged and supported to stand up for myself while remaining respectful and bringing honor to Master.

~Girl~

So some interesting things about my submission:

1. I am a long distance submissive slave to my Master. We live several states away but use the game of Second Life (which is how we met, btw) to emails and pictures to be closer. We talk on the phone every night unless we’re not able to do so…like if the phone bill isn’t paid and we’re disconnected from each other in that way.

2. Instead of spankings, when I get in trouble I’m grounded from something that I enjoy such as shopping or going to a particular website or doing something I really enjoy. Most of the time Master grounds me from shopping. If I’m caught shopping, the length of my grounding lasts longer.

3. I remind myself of my place every so often by kneeling at Master’s feet in SL or writing him a blog or journal or an email analyzing myself. Sometimes I take online classes about submission to help put me back in the frame of mind. I especially do this after I’m in a command position in one of our groups. Sometimes once you’re in the “command” frame of mind, I need help to get out of that mindset.

4. I can be shy, I can be feisty, I can be protective but in all ways I am Master’s girl….however there are times when we turn off the Dominant/submissive relationship and we’re just “us”….two people who are in a relationship and care for one another.

5. I have a temper and Master says when I lash out, I lash out hard. I’m steadily working on bettering this and not holding it in until I blow.

6. I started this blog from encouragement from LunaKM’s blogs and weekend reflections on submission. Her lessons have taught me a lot over the last year about myself and who I am as Master’s girl.

7. Master and I have been together for a little over a year now. We’re working on getting ready for our second Halloween together, our second Thanksgiving Day together, our second Christmas. There are lots of seconds that we are getting ready for, but for me a first….this is the first time in my life that I have been with one man for longer than five months. Before my Master, my relationships all ended at the five month mark. I don’t know what I did or said to sabotage it, but they would all end at the five month mark. Master would say, “They were idiots, hun.”

8. I love to go on hunts in SL. It relaxes me with a challenge to find something new and fun to play with. I also love to shop. These are two of the things that Master always grounds me from when I am in trouble.

9. My Master’s nickname is “Evil one” for all the jokes he plays on his co-workers. He has taught me a lot in this regard. I “bow down” to the Almight Evil One…and always look forward to seeing what he will do next.

10. My submission is only to my Master. He is my guide, my confidant, my friend and my lover. I tend to surprise others when I do not submit to them and refuse to play their slave.

11. I have a wicked sense of humor….so much so that I created “Tribble Pox” and gave it to everyone I could think of…

12. I sometimes take e-courses and spend hours reading articles on Submissive Guide, Iron Gate and other places around the internet just to remind myself of my submission and to help myself grow for Master.

13. I like to do graphics just for the sake of doing graphics. This is my time to relax and become one with myself again…i.e. take a break from slave duties and take care of my mental well being.

14. I am learning that when Master says he “wants something for our group” he does not always mean he wants me to do it, but wants it on the list instead. There was a time there when I thought he was wanting me to do it so I would find a way or work myself into exhaustion trying to do it to please him. In the end it was displeasing because I was exhausting myself trying to do all the stuff on our list. (Yes, I got a “gibbs smack” for that one…)

15. Even though I am Master’s submissive slave, I can be very protective of Him and who I consider family. It can sometimes be a good thing, sometimes a bad thing.

16. I love chocolate, babies and cats. When I found out I could have a “baby” in Second Life, I did it regardless of if I had a partner to do it with.

17. I’ve been hurt in the past. So much so that I am very skiddish when it comes to the thought of marriage. I am not so bad about it as I once was…

18. I met Master in a Star Trek fan group….because I’m his Trekkie Girl

19. I cry during touching movies and when I’m watching weddings on T.V. I watched Gene Simmons’ wedding and balled for an hour….Master laughed the whole time. haha

20. I’ve always been curious about BDSM and discovering why I love to be tied up and spanked. Until now, I couldn’t find a man to do the things I needed to me.

21. I sometimes fantasize about Master tying me up to a bed and doing wild things to me. *fans herself* Did it just get hotter in here?

22. The first time I read about submission…officially that is….was on Submissive Guide. It was the first site I fell across when I was reading up for an assignment from a past dominant’s task.

23. I’ve been with very few men in my life….one was my rapist. He was an ex-boyfriend who used the rufies drug to control me. I don’t remember much but I do remember not being able to move. It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced and I will never forget it, BUT I have moved on. This happened when I was 23 years old. I am now 35.

24. I am grateful every day for the light that Master brings me by just saying my name or calling me “hun.” His stories of his son is adorable and I can hear the love in his voice when he talks about him. I hear it when he talks to me too. That is something that he never has to say…I never have to hear the words, I sense it in his voice and actions.

25. These are just a few of the things about my submission that makes me who I am and how I was guided by Master to bring it out. He brought out the best in me…and sometimes the worst depending on what He wants to see. He taught me to love myself and stand up for myself with others while remaining graceful and diplomatic.

I have always been submissive in some way. All my relationships in my past, I have held a submissive role. It was just “natural” for me to be in that role. I did not know at the time that I was a sub or slave. It had to be pulled out of me. I have always been interested in kinky sex but that was it. It wasn’t until I began exploring it with a friend that I learned I was “curious” about my submission. Now it is only natural.

I express my submission in little ways of service. Like making sure that Master has done something He asks me to remind Him about….such as fantasy football team adjustments…or writing down information for Him without His having to ask me to do so. Little things like that. Since we are long distance, I can’t give Him His morning breakfast or service Him in that “special way” at this time, so I choose things that are important to Him and things that I know He wants me to do. When I need to be reminded, I imagine myself kneeling at His feet or when we’re alone in SL, I kneel at His feet in nadu tower. Sometimes when I’m working on something for our group, I will do this…it’s little things every day that matter the most.

This question is difficult because I am in a relationship and have submitted to my Master. I find that he is just the right amount of dominant. He sometimes makes me feel as if his orders are suggestions but has that special tone that says, “you better do what I say or you’re grounded again.” He’s patient with me and teaches me. He knows me better than I know myself. We’re not solely bedroom, although in the past I have cum for him over the phone. His word is my law. I can give my opinion but his rule is the final say.